Not Right Now
Psalm 34:17-18 (NASB)
17 The righteous cry, and the Lord hears
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
[This is the third devotion in a series of twelve songs that have impacted us during our grief journey]
You could see the smoke from a mile away
And trouble always draws a crowd
They wanna tell me that it'll be okay
But that's not what I need right now
Not while my house is burning down
I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
These lyrics by Jason Gray in his song Not Right Now capture some of the struggles we face in sharing your grief with others. In the days following the loss of my son, I found myself surrounded by others and each one of them tried to do the best that they could to support me. Some words provided hope and others deepened the pain. Simple answers given to complicated grief never increases hope. When the words were not helpful, I had to remind myself that their heart was in the right place. Grief is complicated for those attempting to support as well as for the one that grieves. Jason Gray’s lyrics attempted to address this struggle.
Don't tell me when I'm grieving
That this happened for a reason
Maybe one day we'll talk about the dreams that had to die
For new ones to come alive
But not right now
So what did I find most helpful in those initial days? The strongest support came from those who were willing to sit with me in the pain. They didn’t try to provide quick answers but instead they chose to share in the unimaginable pain. For example, I heard the two following responses:
“Time heals all wounds”
“The pain will always be with you.”
Which of those two responses did I find most helpful? You would think that the one that has a positive ending would be the most helpful yet for me it was the one that recognized the pain that I found most helpful. The person that told me that the pain would always be with me had also lost a child and they knew that hard earned truth. Instead of a cut that would simply heal with time, the loss of a child is more like an amputation. Time would not heal the amputation but I would learn to walk with the limp. As time passed, I was able to process other responses that I could not process in the immediate aftermath. I sought out answers from others that have shared similar loss in their lives. God uses people that have survived similar circumstances to help us survive our own. This is why I have chosen to share these devotions. My hope is that if you have lost a child, these words will find you when the time is right. Jason Gray closes his song with words that address the timing of our words.
While I wait for the smoke to clear
You don't even have to speak
Just sit with me in the ashes here
And together we can pray for peace
To the one acquainted with our grief
I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
Not right now
No, not right now
So how can we support those that are grieving the loss of a child? In Psalm 34: 17-18, we can see how the Lord reacts when we cry out. In that psalm you will find that He hears and is near. Take the time to hear. Hear their pain. Give them an opportunity to express their pain without feeling the need to fix it. The second way that the Lord reacted in the psalm was to be near. Parents that suffer the loss of a child are often surrounded by help in the initial days. Those parents need friends and family that continue to stay near in the weeks, month, and years to follow. Choosing to hear and be near will mean more than simple answers ever could.
YouTube Video Jason Gray - Not Right Now
