When Lightning Strikes
John 11:35 (NIV)
Jesus wept.
Column 1 of 6 - Support
On the morning of October 23, 2020 thunderstorms rolled across Missouri. Thunderstorms are common across Missouri but these storms led to a unique result. As lightning flashed across the sky, one bolt struck a Missouri landmark, Standing in an area surrounded by agricultural fields stands a large bur oak tree. This tree is around 400 years old and has been a gathering place for the community. It has been the site of engagements, celebrations, picnics, and other social interactions. It is a special place to me because it is where my son and I would often visit to capture its beauty throughout the year through photography. In one moment everything changed. A direct hit to the tree started a fire and the heat generated by the strike evaporated the water and liquid from the tree. A witness called in emergency crews and emergency vehicles surrounded the scene. They rushed to try and save the tree. Pumping water and foam into the tree crews worked to limit the damage. Others gathered to pick up pieces of the bark that burst off of the tree. Still others gathered just to be near. Why was there such a response to a single tree? One firefighter said, “Obviously this tree has significance to the county, so we’re going to make every effort we can to save it.” After work, I drove out to visit the tree. I was not alone. Cars slowly drove by the tree one after another. Families would get out and come close. I heard people talking about their love for the tree and their hopes for its recovery.
The loss of a child can also happen in a flash. The unexpected strike can threaten your survival. In the hours and days following our loss we were immediately supported by our community. Seeking out support when the waves of grief strike can be an essential step in overcoming the darkness of grief. Connecting with others is a vital human need. The power of community can be seen in God’s creation as well as lived out in our own lives.
Bearing Each Other’s Burdens
My dad often said the phrase “Many hands make light work” when we had to do chores around the house. If you look at ants you can see them live that out. They are able to carry items much heavier than they can lift alone. The weight of loss you feel when you lose a child can be devastating. How can we withstand that weight? Galatians 6:2 states, Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Our community immediately stepped in to support us. People donated money to cover funeral costs, many meals were sent to our house, family and friends dropped everything to fly across the country, women from the church took time to pray for our family as they created a quilt from many of his shirts, some friends hired artists to create works for us while others created work of their own, many sent cards and notes, his school did a color run to raise funds to plant a tree and place a memorial in his memory at his school, his welding class and teacher created a centerpiece for his funeral, some friends named a star after him, his soccer team took turns wearing his twelve jersey as a way keeping his memory alive, the basketball team wore his initials on their jerseys, the cheerleaders created a comfort gift basket for our daughter, and we received many phone calls, zoom meetings, hugs, texts, and words of encouragement. Each gesture was an act of love and a way of sharing our burden.
Lifting Spirits
In an earlier post titled Violet’s Grove I shared about how redwood trees intertwine their roots as a way of supporting each other so they are able to reach amazing heights. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Having support around you can lift you up. In the days following our loss we took time away from work. As teachers we wondered how we would be able to return to work. We each made a visit to our classrooms prior to trying to teach. When my wife walked into her room I saw her smile for the first time since the accident. Her students surrounded her and the love expressed by her class brought a smile to her face and tears to my eyes. I witnessed the power that a loving community can have on a broken heart.
Comforting Others
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 states, Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. We are comforted by God so we can comfort others. This can be seen in nature in the flying formation of geese. By flying in a v shaped formation they can help each other. When a goose gets injured or sick, two other geese will fall out of formation to stay with the goose and stay with it until it is able to fly again. When they head back out, they work together to catch up with the rest of the flock. On the day of my son’s accident, his school opened up to provide a space for his classmates to gather and mourn. Thirty years earlier I lost a high school friend and we gathered together after his death. I understood the level of pain my son’s friends were feeling because I had lived through it thirty years earlier. So I got in my car and drove to where they were gathering. My son had died just hours earlier and I was in a position of needing comfort from others and needing to provide comfort to my son’s friends. I prayed with them and let them know how much my son loved them. Life after loss puts us in a position where we need comfort and are in a unique position to provide comfort to others.
We are called to a life in community. In John 11:33-35, we find Jesus moved by the weeping and mourning of the people over the death of Lazarus. He wept with those who were weeping. When the weight of grief seems too much for me, I am reminded of the power found in a supportive community. It is important to reach out to friends and family when you need support. Your community can help you bear your burdens, lift your spirits, and provide opportunities to comfort others.
