It's Quiet Uptown
1 Corinthians 2:9 (NLT)
That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him.”
[This is the tenth devotion in a series of twelve songs that have impacted us during our grief journey]
There are moments that the words don't reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
And push away the unimaginable
The moments when you're in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down
In the play Hamilton, they refer to the loss of his son as “the unimaginable”. I remember attending the visitation for a child in our community who lost her life to cancer prior to our own son’s accident. Our hearts broke for her family yet we truly didn’t understand the depth of their pain. The loss of a child and the pain that comes with it is unimaginable for those who have never traveled that path.
The Hamiltons move uptown
And learn to live with the unimaginable
I spend hours in the garden
I walk alone to the store
And it's quiet uptown
I never liked the quiet before
“Learning to live with the unimaginable” is one of the most difficult tasks. How do you learn to live with something you could never imagine before? I have learned from others who have faced similar suffering and I also had to find my own path. I have found that I have found peace in nature and walking. Finding time to be alone with God in His creation has provided me opportunities to work through my struggles.
I take the children to church on Sunday
A sign of the cross at the door
And I pray
That never used to happen before
Finding time to pray allows you a time to speak honestly to God. God knows my heart and prayer provides an opportunity to release the pain and also to listen. Finding time to be still and remember who God is in our most difficult trials is vital in moving from emotions to truth.
If I could spare his life
If I could trade his life for mine
He'd be standing here right now
And you would smile, and that would be enough
I don't pretend to know
The challenges we're facing
I know there's no replacing what we've lost
On the day of my son’s accident I remember wishing it was me instead of him. There were so many years ahead of him and I couldn’t stand the thought of him being gone. The line “I don’t pretend to know the challenges we’re facing” carries such truth. I immediately knew the pain I faced in the moment but there was know way to understand the pain we would continue to face in unexpected moments in the days and months that followed.
And you need time
But I'm not afraid
I know who I married
Just let me stay here by your side
That would be enough
If you see him in the street, walking by her side
Talking by her side, have pity
Eliza, do you like it uptown? It's quiet uptown
Look around, look around, Eliza
(They are trying to do the unimaginable)
Sharing an unimaginable pain with your spouse is something you are never prepared for. Each of you are fighting your own individual battles along with your shared struggles. It is a pain that can drive you together or a pain that can drive you apart. I would have done anything to take away her pain but there was nothing I could do to change what happened that morning. Waiting for her to arrive at the scene of the accident was the most difficult moment of my life. I had just lost my son and I knew in a matter of minutes my wife and daughter would receive the news from the police officer. As I waited I knew I would do everything I could for the rest of my life to help reduce their pain.
There are moments that the words don't reach
There is a grace too powerful to name
We push away what we can never understand
We push away the unimaginable
They are standing in the garden
Alexander by Eliza's side
She takes his hand
It's quiet uptown
The loss of a child is “the unimaginable” yet it is not the end of the story. God will use everything even the unimaginable for His purposes. Right now I can’t imagine my future without my son but I know God will walk with me through the unimaginable.
