Unbroken Silence

Psalm 139:7-10 (NIV)

7  Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9  If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

Unsaid words today

Lost between Heaven and earth

Unbroken silence

Those words I wrote three months after my son passed away yet I still struggle with the silence still today. As a society we have taken connectedness for granted. We don’t appreciate just how easy it is to be in contact with each other. Modern society provides us with multiple ways of being connected to each other instantly. What happens when that connection is lost?

As the pandemic spread across the nation, many people became aware of their need for human connection. As we were forced into isolation, we longed for contact with others. We reached out through technology but even Zoom meetings were a poor replacement for face to face contact. Imagine how much more difficult it would have been if we had been forced into complete isolation.

The loss of a child forces a level of disconnectedness upon a parent that is almost unbearable. When Bryce entered our house the sounds of his loud footsteps, bull in a China shop actions, and unmistakable voice would bounce off the walls. One day you are laughing and sharing your lives and then in a moment silence replaces the laughter and conversation. Your house is silent. Your car drives are silent. Their room is silent. No phone calls. No texts. No shared videos. The loss of your child is like removing the soundtrack from a movie. The story continues but it is never the same. You fear that you will forget the sound of their voice. Your mind desperately tries to remember every conversation you shared in the past. Unbroken silence crushing broken hearts.

When I find myself struggling with the silence, I try to focus on God’s omnipresence. God is present everywhere at the same time. Right now God is present with you. Right now God is present with me. Right now God is present in Heaven. This attribute of God is mind blowing. As I have tried to reflect on this idea, I have found great comfort. God is with me right now. God is with Bryce right now. He can hear my voice. He can hear Bryce’s voice. I hear silence but Bryce’s voice has not been silenced. Faith tells us that one day our hearing and connection will be restored. We are forever connected by faith, hope, and love.