Where to Begin?

Psalm 46:1-3 (NIV)

1. God is our refuge and strength,

    an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam

    and the mountains quake with their surging

Psalm 46 paints a vivid picture as the earth gives way, mountains fall into roaring seas, and mountains quake. Yet somehow it captures for me some of the emotion that followed after the police officer informed me that my son did not survive the crash. In an instant, I struggled to breathe as it felt as if the world was collapsing around me. In the hours and days that followed, I struggled to think straight. I forgot to do simple things like eating and resting and needed reminders by friends and family just to accomplish basic tasks of survival. Emotions flooded my heart, mind, and soul. There was room for nothing else.

In the days that followed, my friends and family reminded me to eat. They reminded me to rest. They helped me organize my day and walk me through the steps we had to follow to plan a funeral and handle the other responsibilities of life. One day shortly after the accident, my friend asked me if I had opened my Bible. Just like I needed prompting to remember to eat, I needed a reminder to be spiritually fed. Where do you begin reading after the loss of a child? 

Feelings like confusion, anxiety, fear, panic, regret, anger, and depression can make you feel as if you are being tossed about at sea. Emotions can push you in one direction and just as quickly new emotions can shift you in a new direction. This tossing and turning can leave you lost and without direction. What I needed was an anchor. As my feelings left me confused and lost, my Bible sat closed in front of me. Where would I turn? I chose to turn to the attributes of God. Long ago, I had listed many of the attributes of God in the back of my Bible and I decided that I would trust in God alone as my anchor. I would trust in who God is to stabilize me as I continued to be tossed by emotions. I would process everything I felt through who I knew God to be. In the following weeks, I plan on sharing what I learned about grief and loss by examining it through this filter. I plan on sharing how each attribute is helping me process my grief and it is my hope that anyone reading this will find hope in knowing who God is as we process what we are feeling.