Driving into the Unknown

Romans 8:28 (NIV)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

The dust from the ATV filled the air as we raced through the Arizona desert. A steep hill came into view in front of us and I was told to hit the gas and climb it. My view shifted to the sky as the vehicle tilted and made the vertical climb. As we followed the trail across the top, suddenly the end of the trail seemed to stop at the edge of the hill. I couldn’t see what was on the other side of the trail. Again the voice next to me told me to trust him and drive the vehicle over the edge. I hesitated and then pressed the gas.

Trusting someone as you face an unknown is a challenging task. We all long to have control of situations in our lives. That is why the attribute of sovereignty can be a difficult task for grieving hearts. Sovereignty is the idea that God has complete authority and all things are under his control. He has the authority to do whatever He desires. Many people facing grief struggle with this issue. God could have saved our loved ones but He didn’t. As I looked back on my journal entries, I can find evidence of my own wrestling with this issue.

Journal Entry from 1.9.19

This verse (Romans 8:28) has been a struggle since the crash. “All things” and that includes the crash. “For the good”, Those words can be comforting if you can grasp them. How can something that sends you into darkness be used for good? God is sovereign. He knows all that I do not. I woke up at about 2:30 am and struggled to find rest before 5 am. My mind was struggling to comprehend things it can’t comprehend. God is sovereign. If He is supreme in power why is my mind wasting time trying to work things out. I know I am wasting time but I am struggling to make my mind stop. Sleep was my one escape yet that was taken away in the early hours of the morning. I am longing for rest and peace.

Pastor Matt Chandler once wrote,  “Trying to figure out God is like trying to catch a fish in the Pacific Ocean with an inch of dental floss.” Trying to figure out how good can come from the death of my son is still beyond my comprehension because my heart and mind can not associate good with anything about that day. So that means if I can not associate good with that day, I have a choice set before me, I can trust in the God that I have known or continue fishing for answers with dental floss in a sea of confusion. Trusting someone often requires knowing their character. Sovereignty in isolation is difficult to grasp. Studying the other attributes of God provides a more complete picture of why we can trust Him even when we don’t understand.

That brings me back to that hill in the dusty desert of Arizona. Why did I press the gas? I chose to trust the one that told me to trust his way because I knew my father-in-law loves his family and he had been on the trail before. I also knew he would not endanger his grandson who sat in the back seat. And with a press of the gas pedal, I displayed my trust as we drove into the unknown.